Chat Epicly!

Background: I am doing homework for discrete mathematics, possibly the most disappointing class I have taken in my life. My gmail status reads “discrete-ing. please disturb.” The following conversation ensues.


Vaheeda: disturbs
me: professes undying love for you
11:17 PM Vaheeda: is flattered
11:18 PM me: *thinks it’s obvious, this undying love”
*has forgotten to end with a * *
dammit, is bad at this
Vaheeda: is literally LOLing
me: is also
will save this conversation forever
11:19 PM Vaheeda: is even more flattered but thinks gmail always saves conversations
11:20 PM me: well yes, but is going to specifically make sure this conversation is saved in multiple locations
Vaheeda: is satisfied and no longer confused

Vaheeda: i have beiber faver
fever*

me: don’t speak to me
i take back my undying love
you can keep your beiber
12:29 AM
Vaheeda: takes beiber and squeezes his cheeks
watches you be jealous
me: snatches back undying love
is disgusted

Vaheeda: knows you are kidding
12:30 AM
loves you anyway

(my love is truly undying)
12:31 AM
me: is deeply disturbed by vaheeda’s conflicting beiber-sami lovebubble
12:34 AM
Vaheeda: assures you that vaheeda has plenty of love to go around
12:36 AM
me: explains patiently to vaheeda that i do not want beiber-tainted love, not matter how much extra there is

Vaheeda: knows you are just acting childish and stubborn but secretly wants vaheeda’s love, no matter who else it is shared with
12:37 AM
me: refuses to continue to hold a conversation with delusional people LIKE VAHEEDA but sincerely hopes that vaheeda will come to her senses
12:39 AM
Vaheeda: oh dont worry, vaheeda’s senses have already arrived and are fully sensing your hurtful words
12:40 AM
me: does not mean to be hurtful but can find no other way of opening vaheeda’s eyes to the sad truth
12:41 AM
Vaheeda: does not see what is so sad about a 14 year old boy making millions by pursuing his passion for singing love songs

I change my status to: “is deeply disturbed by vaheeda’s conflicting beiber-sami lovebubble”

is loving your status

me: cannot understand what a 14 year old would know about love and finds it highly disgusting that someone that young would earn that much money by singing about something he doesn’t know jack about
12:42 AM
thanks you modestly

reminds vaheeda that she is my inspiration
12:45 AM
Vaheeda: is flattered and appalled that you would discredit a sensitive soul like justin

me: appreciates your use of the word appalled

continues to be unappreciative of beiber’s efforts
12:46 AM
Vaheeda: loves this all boded conversation we’re having
12:47 AM
me: laughs loudly

Vaheeda: LOL’s?

me: DOES NOT LOL

Vaheeda: please explain the difference btw LOL and laughs loudly
12:48 AM
me: ok
12:49 AM
LOL = online pop culture reference to expressing hilarity without going to the trouble to actually perform that hilarity, used mostly as filler text

And then we both decided we needed sleep.

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